Courtship and Proposal
Marriage is preceded by courtship. In the past, as recently as 50 years ago, courtship was heavily ritualized. Women of marriageable age, usually past 16, would get together and rent a house, paying for it with food and their labor. They would gather in this house from October, after Pokrov, until Easter. They would do chores such as spinning. Part of the thread that they spun could be donated to their hostess as payment. Boys would join them later in the evening. Entertainment consisted on songs and games. On major calendar holidays, the young people would prepare a large meal and their party would be joined by older children and young married couples. In the summer, courtship events were held outdoors, on village corners. Here too young people would sing and dance and court one another.
With the Soviet period, there was an effort to control ritual activity, courtship included. The klub, a club officially intended for the enlightenment of the population and for activities in service of the Soviet state, was introduced into the village. Khrushchev’s 1950’s building campaign did bring the klub to most villages where it became a social center as well as a Communist one. The klub was the place where civil weddings were and are still held. Activities aimed at the young, those intended to facilitate courtship, include events such as disco night, movie night, and so forth. These continue into the present. We have worked with Zina Ivanivna Litovka, the head of the village klub in Ploske for a number of years. We went with her to some of the events for the young and there is a photograph of disco night taken in 2005. The klub is supported by the municipal government and some villages were not able to continue to support their klub once the Soviet system collapsed. In some of these, such as Dobranychivka, the function of the klub has been taken over by the local store which built on a café and later added a hall for dances and movies.
The Proposal.
The proposal was a ritualized act. Once the couple had agreed to marry, they set a date when the young man would approach the woman’s family and make a formal marriage proposal. He was supposed to take two married men with him and go to the woman’s house on the designated date, carrying a bread and a bottle of horilka. In some areas, he waited outside while his two emissaries made the request for him. In some, he entered with them, but did not speak. If the proposal was accepted, breads were exchanged. Then all would celebrate with the horilka brought by the groom’s party and a meal which had to include the breads provided by both sides.
This formal marriage proposal is still preformed in most villages. The big difference is that the groom and his party travel by car instead of walking the village streets on foot. Some villagers complain that, with the introduction of cars, it is not as easy to tell who will marry whom.
In the past, there were two additional steps to the pre- wedding phase. One was the inspection of the groom’s household where the bride’s family assured themselves that their daughter would be well taken care of. The other was the agreement about the wedding proper. At this event, called the domovyny, the bride’s family and the groom’s discussed how many people would be invited by which side, what gifts would be given, and so forth. Domovyny are still practiced today, while the ritual inspection of the groom’s household is gone. The wedding itself happens soon after the domovyny, usually in one week to one month.
